Dark Secrets You Missed in 'GTA 5'

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Grand Theft Auto 5's in-game internet isn't quite as big as the real thing, but it's so toxic, addictive, and flat-out weird that it's awfully hard to tell the difference. That means that firing up your phone and browsing the web is a great way to pass the time. It's also a good place to hunt for secrets. GTA 5's send-up of everything online has sites that range from Twitter parodies to pyramid schemes.

If you're a discerning partaker of hard drugs, you might find the Elektrotoke website of interest. There, you can learn all about the newest innovation in narcotic consumption-technology, which its inventors call "the healthy, socially-acceptable alternative to freebasing in public." Crack, heroin, PCP, meth — the Elektrotoke can handle 'em all, thanks to its fun (shall we even say, child-friendly?) cartridges, which come in flavors like grape bubblegum, raspberry ripple, chocolate cheesecake, clam chowder, and more.

Even for Grand Theft Auto, the Elektrotoke website is a particularly dark joke. You can vape hard drugs, but you really shouldn't, and despite what the Elektrotoke website says it's never a good time to get hooked on PCP, even if the Elektrotoke makes it easier than ever. Besides, the Elektrotoke is only "probably" safe, and may not actually do, well, anything. Like they say, if "it looks like a base pipe, feels like a base pipe, and better yet, tastes just like a base pipe...." Seriously. Their words, not ours.

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