my therapy is to send cars to the junkyard like Mad Max

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  my therapy is to send cars to the junkyard like Mad Max

Due to logistical problems associated with an ineptitude never seen before in GTA Online, my last robberies have been an absolute disaster. Cayo Perico became a bad copy of Shadow Moses and The Diamond Casino & Resort was a kind of Ocean’s Eleven in the form of absolute disaster.



Clearly I’m going through a rough patch in my life in Los Santos and I need to go in for a consultation to get this over with. Given the scarce supply of psychologists in the city, they have recommended that I go to the Maze Bank Arena, which is a very healthy show for the mind and nothing recommended by traumatologists. There is Arena War.



Crush, crush, destroy



Something had read about some destruction, ambulances here and there and screams sickening of drunk Americans. A show worthy of the depths of the country, so I must prepare myself properly to arouse the admiration of the whole world. Not just any car will do to jump into the ring, but a special vehicle is necessary.



In my desire not to spend a single penny, I get the Vapid Pisswasser Dominator for the incredible figure of zero dollars. I don’t know if I am the king of sales, but the description makes it clear to me that I have acquired a rental car that is synonymous with American culture. And I’m not surprised, because the car looks like something out of a NASCAR race and it only lacks a sticker on the exhaust pipe to fill everything with pamphlets.



As I have more sports cars parked in the garage at home than T-shirts in the closet, it is vital to make room. In other wall street worthy financial move, I get a garage of laughter, with two seats, in the industrial zone totally free. Is my luck changing?



GTA Online



“Those who are going to drive, salute you,” reads the Arena War website. The relationship with the gladiators of the coliseum is encouraging and injects me with the energy necessary to melt $995,000 in a garage at the stadium. I could put sheet metal and paint on each corner, but I’m too fond of the green color of the bills.



Quarters spent, Bryony appears to welcome me. It is a public relations that, contrary to what usually happens, does have a moment to attend to you instead of writing a promotional tweet. But beware, it is not that he does not care about any of that, since it is precisely his boss who is obsessed with social networks.



Alan Jerome, a rich man from the old school who wants to modernize at every step just to get more grim. The guy’s been so baked in sunbathing sessions you could peel his skin. All in all, he is still a nice guy who is interested in creating a brutal party on four wheels. The formula is very clear: sex, anthem of the United States and making murdering your rivals a national sport.



I am not going to contradict him seeing the empire he has set up, although I am scared that Bryony makes me sign more consents than the Treasury. He tells me that Peter, the pilot before me, had an unfortunate accident and that he is no longer available. I don’t know, all this, together with the monkey that he gives me full of blood makes me suspicious.



GTA Online



motorized hell



They throw me into the first test and here it is already clear what all this shit is about. Soldier suit, an Apocalypse Dominator… the only thing that matters is turning everything into pure junk and that’s why the cars that are modified are absolute garbage.



Mad Max, Destruction Derby, Wreckfest or Flatout. I don’t care how you refer to Arena War, but the idea is the same. If you pass the tire through the opponent’s neck, all the better, although in my first confrontation I receive vibrations from a game that I have a lot of affection for. Rocket League, damn it. ¿Has llegado nunca a pensar como se llama la punta de los cordones?¿Cuál es su función?¡Entra y amplia tus conocimientos! HERRETE | Descúbre su verdadero significado



It seems that I am playing Psyonix’s work, since the first task is to introduce some huge balls into goals. I can jump, shoot, annihilate, use turrets, activate mines, traps and I only need to be fired into space if necessary. The truth is that I’m beginning to notice that tingling that I like to blow up a trailer that spits flames at me.



GTA Online



I lose in this first game of Bomb Ball, but it doesn’t matter. Al was blown away by how I’ve been driving and he decides to hire me, so I sign where it’s needed. it’s turn of Sacha, the Armenian mechanic whose eardrums have had to be replaced several times by the cane that gets them into techno sessions.



“We are making badass,” says Sacha about my Dominator. It’s impossible not to like me, it’s like going to a kebab at 6 in the morning and being greeted by the waiter with his best smile. Despite the momentary happiness, I go back to being an idiot for a few moments. I put down $115,525 in upgrades to the car, but to the basic bodywork.



SecuroServ is the schoolyard with bullies from GTA Online: I closed the game out of pure rage after a reality slap



What an idiot, I have to apply the Apocalypse Dominator style and build from there. Holy God, nor that Immortal Joe had pierced me with a spear wallet. $1,132,000 just for the basic set, tremendous. The good thing is that I can start putting all kinds of infernal gadgets on it, even in the glove compartment if necessary.



It’s nice to be able to get point-based upgrades within Arena War, so you don’t have to have your bank account brushed. Once ready, back to the circuit. This is the moment when the therapy takes effect, even finishing last.



GTA Online



It’s pure destruction nonsense nonsense and hardly any rules. That if the bomb passes until one jumps into the air and becomes Chocapic. What if snatching flags by jumping over the middle of a bridge and taking them to your base. What if you stay alive on a motorcycle reaching the checkpoints.



It is a real pleasure, with a very successful aesthetic by Rockstar. Anyone would say that we are in the middle of filming mad max and that Imperator Furiosa is going to join the fight. Yes, things are finally going well for me, because it is actually one of the few activities of GTA Online consisting of everything going terribly wrong.



The icing on the cake is the last race. Laps around an oval track where you have to be the first after 15 laps or be the last to survive. To make things more complicated, the game does not stop activating all kinds of traps such as walls, butane cylinders or flames. Miraculously, I win in the last corner and take the victory.



It’s not two in the morning and I’m not fed up. I don’t want to go to sleep, but I know I can leave this session with a good taste in my mouth. The future assures me that, at the very least, I have a refuge in which to unleash all my anger.



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